the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
