im drinking this country out of the recession.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
