im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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