I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
