i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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