you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
