Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
we made out on top of his cat.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
