I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
