I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
