i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
dude i'm inner monologue high
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
