o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
