why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
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