saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
