I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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