OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
