Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
