Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Randomize