You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
