I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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