I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
