see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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