I think my fart just growled at me.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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