After last night, I could never be a politician.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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