Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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