I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
