SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
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