Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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