she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
if only i could text you this smell
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
