i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
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Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
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Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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