He is an equal opportunity slut.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
