all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
