I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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