I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
