sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
