So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
