My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
