actually, I'm a sock model
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
