I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
