i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
They are going to name an STD after you.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
