seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
