I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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