omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
NoShamevember. You game?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
