Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
