You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
