When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
