Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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