Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
