why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
