after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
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I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
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She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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