You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I love you.
Bad choice
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
