How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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