I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
