she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
