Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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