Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My feet surprised me
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
