All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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