xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
