my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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