i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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