he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
