So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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