my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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