think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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