two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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