Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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