Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
