You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
