How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
