I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Blood and glitter go together right?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
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