4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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