I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
