You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
MIDGETS
????
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
