went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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