New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
