Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
