I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
