you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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