My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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